Growing up

I never expected that doing a master abroad could have such a strong impact on my life, yet here I am, and everything changed….

For the first time in a long, long time, I just want to live. I want to be spontaneous and go for a walk around town on a whim. I want to go to a restaurant alone if that makes me happy. I want to grab my camera and find a nice spot to take pictures. I just want to do something. Anything. 

I want to challenge myself. I want to be brave and get out of my comfort zone. I want to learn new things. I want to meet new people and be the person I always wished I could be. And for the first time in forever, I actually feel like I can do it. I feel strong enough to stop waiting for things to happen miraculously. I feel like all those walls I created around myself as a shield against the world are not necessary anymore. I am growing up and moving on.

I’m spreading my wings, and even though it’s exciting, this desire to live is so strong, sometimes it’s overwhelming.

It is a hard, exhausting lesson to learn. I’ll be honest, I’m not quite there yet. But there is one thing I am sure of: I won’t be satisfied to just go back to France and be the same girl I used to be.

I changed. I don’t know exactly how it happened, it just did. It will take a long time for me to overcome all of the barriers I put for myself. It won’t happen in a few days or even a few months. But it’s necessary to start somewhere. Isn’t it?